No , I can’t sustain it anymore , it’s too heavy for me to handle it , to hide it.
why don’t you just get away from me? , why do you want to see me suffer?
Do I not deserve a peaceful life? I don’t understand , how much ever I try to , I can’t , because every time I dig into those unanswered questions , it turns out to be doubly unanswered. My tears have had it enough , I stumble on knees in front of him , the Lord , and squeak , shriek , shout , scream at him in anguish to ask him just one question straight ,” why me? ” and the best part is , I end up biting my teeth and suppress my sore sober and whimper within getting no reply , fetching no answers.
I dreamed of embracing you since grade five and my dreams grew stronger as I grew older. I was almost there to get you around my nape but fate warned me not to touch you either. I’m a person that doesn’t have faith in luck but now I stress , Maybe I wasn’t lucky enough to have you. Bad luck hit me hard.
People who didn’t own a single quality to deserve you , have got you. Again , I don’t understand the logic man , damn it.
My dream comes true only in my dreams , yes! It’s now a mere nightmare.
They say , unrequited love hurts but I say , unaccomplished dream hurts more , in fact the most.
You , the stethoscope , you , the white coat , you were the one I dreamed of.
I was mad at you , like literally.
Everyday I dressed myself up in the white coat (that I’d , for the purpose of chemistry lab) , I spoke to patients who were never there , I wrote a note for them as to how to cure their sufferings , I gave them medicines , holding an empty bottle that was supposed to have capsules inside , apparently , I checked how healthy their heart was with my invisible stethoscope , I gave them hope.
That was absolutely a great pleasure , enacting like one I foresaw in the future , but just after a moment I would realize , there’s a long way to go and I’ve to be working hard. I did work hard but I didn’t struggle doing it as I was interested in it.
I loved , loved to reach my desire as early as possible but due to two core genuine reasons , I couldn’t make it (well , those reasons will lead to two long stories , maybe I’ll come to it some other time)
Dreamed of a stethoscope but destiny gave a soldering gun instead.
Whatever maybe the reason , who’ll give a damn about it , who’ll listen to it?
No-one , nobody cares but it hurts , it pricks to lend your ears to those sharp tongues that enjoy creating a severe damage. They don’t want to know how it all happened , but all they want is to see you fail , taunt on your back and give a pseudo convalescence in front of you , putting a mask on but you can’t help it , your reasons don’t carry any cost. If you quote those actual reasons for your failure , people would pity you but not really , they would be happy spreading it other way round , like “Arey , that girl wasn’t capable of accomplishing it but she has kept some reasons ready with her” This is what people speak about you to others.
Well , then what’s the use of putting your sorrows in front of them?
Silence is the best answer , just put a pin in to conversations and leave. That is comforting , at least that’ll prevent you from scratching your scars , anyway they don’t vanish. Wounds heal but scars don’t.
Even today It takes a second thought for me , whenever I need to go to a doctor.
It hurts , it brings everything back , I’ll run into oblivion having no other choice left. Tears don’t dry up , brain doesn’t stay quiet. After all , we’ve a memory card in our brains that’s embedded , everything’s imprinted in our grey cells. We can’t seal our rushing thoughts and for me , it flows down through a pen!
Can’t help , can we?
Well , everyone has their own miseries and by default , Each one should taste it , enjoy it or curse it but must swallow it.